I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
