I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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