Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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