So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
