dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
