i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
