I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
