I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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