i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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