So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
