Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
