Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
