yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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