guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
