I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
