if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
