I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
