i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Let's get the cat blown out
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
