when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
