i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
