can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
