beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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