Buhtt sex?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
