Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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