New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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