I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
