And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
are you so shy because you have an std?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
