as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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