When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
