I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
