Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize