I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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