i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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