A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
