Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
