when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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