Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
