All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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