a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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