Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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