i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
