so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
