Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
