I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
being pregnant is like rehab
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So. Much. Porn.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
