Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
