I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
