today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
