yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
