I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
apparently the secret to your success is patron
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
