i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
