We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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