Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
