have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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