I heard we made out
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize