Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
