I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
