whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
