took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Everyone says I win the strip club
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
