i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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