found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
