i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
