You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
