1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize