i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it was like his penis was on wheels.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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