she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
