Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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