We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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