WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
