....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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