I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
