I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize