I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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