mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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