Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
