Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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