Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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