I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
