I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
