it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
