My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Randomize
