i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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