first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
