Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
