nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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