This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
