I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
