mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
