Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
